


Alone to Ruin

by Machillusion



Series: Darkest Desires [1]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Angst, Drama, Gen, M/M, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-26 06:26:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1678106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Machillusion/pseuds/Machillusion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Unlike fairy tales, life does not have a happy ending. Did you know that, Tsuna?" The wide-eyed boy only blinked quizzically as he shook his head. He watched in wonder as his only brother began to talk vividly about the things he experienced.</p><p>"Yes." He clenched his fist and pumped it at his younger brother, who, at the sharp display of emotion, flinched back from him.</p><p>"We are all but alone in ruin."</p><p>In kindergarten, Tsuna was a normal child, a child who had one or more friends, a child who wanted extravagant toys like cars and water guns and video games. He was a happy-go-lucky child who could think of a million positive things concerning his life, and forget all of the negative things that popped up once in a while. He was a chicken, yes, but a lovable one that some people gravitated to and others scoffed. However, that changed in the first grade, when Tsuna had to leave his original school to go to another one. Prequel to Darkest Desires.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone to Ruin

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is a sidestory to Darkest Desires, a fanfiction which, I thank you all much for, is receiving a lot of love. Someone (or rather, two people) questioned me on the past of Tsuna, and I thought that I would mention it later on in the series. I found this to be false as I thought over my plans for this story and realized that his past may not be mentioned at all. So in honor to Otaku908 and Dai27, here is a little one shot that explains a little of our cute Tsuna. Oh! And it also explains how Dino and Tsuna met. This, like Body Parts, has a bit of symbolism. But it's not so much that you can't understand it without looking twice. If you do, though, you might understand a bit more about my story. (I actually was supposed to write this a week ago. Sorry for the delay.)
> 
> Warnings: language, violence, hintings at sexual content, OOC (for god's sake, they were kids!)
> 
> Disclaimer: I own my head...and my body...and my brain to conjuncture up these wicked ideas. I can't even say the idea fully belongs to me. How sad is that...
> 
> I must warn you: this is a long one shot. But enjoy.

_Life sucks. But you got to deal with it, because there is no other alternative other than death._

_-A Friend_

* * *

The crisp air.

_Inhale. Exhale._

God, he couldn't get enough of it. That crisp wind that wrapped around his body like a robe and whispered sweet nothings into his delicate ear was beautiful. Lovely, even. But it wasn't as beautiful as the scenery before him.

The sun, exhausted from her tired day of work, started to slink down in the sky, hiding herself behind the transparent clouds like only she could. With her, the radiant light and warmth that usually emitted from her body started to disappear as well, leaving an astonishing site behind them. Just above her head, a deep shade of magenta formed in the sky, almost as if it were the shining knight in armor coming to claim the night. It stood boldly in the sky, taking up most of what the sky had to offer, and left nothing in return. Just a ways above it was a tangerine and cotton candy mixture that shone as bright as the sun. Although it wasn't as dark and obvious as the magenta hue, it proclaimed itself in it's own way: light. With the flock of birds accompanying that beautiful mixture of colors, the site before the five-year old boy was simply breath-taking.

Maybe that's why Sawada Tsunayoshi would always come here every Friday, after school, to bask and enjoy the view. He would come here when he was upset, when he was angry, when he was sad, anytime he didn't feel anything but happiness, he would come here to comfort himself.

And help it did.

His heart sped up; the lascivious rhythm that his heart made became something akin to a fast-paced rock sound. But then his heart stopped entirely as he heard a voice calling out his name in earnest.

"Tsuna! Hey, you around?" Quickly, as though he were a rat in disguise, he jumped into a bunch of nearby bushes and stuck his chubby little head out, waiting for the person to look for him and pass by. He heard the masculine voice become louder as the teenage boy approached the pile of bushes that Tsuna was in.

"You know your mom is looking for you," he continued, looking high and low in the area. He continued to move through the area; his feet scraped across the dirt, and shuffled in the grass. He was about to turn away from the area; Tsuna wasn't there anywhere-but then he saw a brown fluff of hair. It looked like a mop to him, and the man knew that there was only one boy he knew who had hair like that.

"Found you," Spanner hummed out as he grabbed the auburn mop of hair that stuck out in the grass. The boy squeaked, and he moved away as Spanner released him. He shivered a bit in fear before he calmed down and observed his older friend carefully. Spanner had a dark, plain and green uniform. He had no insignia as to indicate what organization he came from, nor did his uniform have any type of design. It was boring, yet it stood out like the rest of him. His hair was neat on his head, except for the front, where something akin to sideburns formed around his sharp cheek bones. His eyes drooped a bit-maybe from lack of sleep, although he didn't have the horrible black sags to accompany them-yet his teal colored eyes shone brightly. A lollipop stuck out of his mouth, and two more candypops peeked from his front pocket.

"I don't want to go back," the brunette whined as he moved away from his friend, who had an almost sadistic look on his face. "Leave me alone."

"I don't think so," he replied, the edges of his lips forming into a smirk. "Nana would be disappointed if I came back empty-handed."

"She wouldn't," he shot back, continuing to move back. "She doesn't care if I play out all day."

"Oh yes she would," he countered as he quickly ran up to him and grabbed his torso. The boy started to fight him off; he kicked and screamed and did everything short of biting Spanner to let him off. But Spanner didn't fight back; hell, he didn't even flinch. He only took it as he started to jog back home.

"I don't want to leave, Spanner! Can't you leave me here?"

"No."

They started to move towards the main street of Namimori; people bustled and bumbled, and they were able to blend in quite well. After a while, Tsuna calmed down and simply sat on Spanner's shoulder, enjoying the view of being in a high place. After all, his father never gave him this. Spanner, although he was not much older than Tsuna, was a living replacement of his father. And even though he fought with him at times, he still loved Spanner, and if anything happened to him, he would be very sad.

"You calmed down now?"

He nodded.

"You wanna come down?"

"No." Tsuna clung on harder to the teenage blond as they passed through the super markets. Many people greeted him, but the boy didn't say anything, and Spanner greeted them curtly. He wasn't trying to be rude, but that kind of thing...wasn't his cup of tea. Talking with people outside of his comfort zone wasn't...his cup of tea.

He quickly moved to the back alleys, where he took various shortcuts to take Tsuna home quicker. But then said boy tugged on his shirt, and Spanner glanced down at the withered boy. He smiled warmly at him; no matter how angry Tsuna made him, he always loved the boy, because he never had a brother to take care of. His mother could never bare one, and all of the "brothers" and "sisters" that Spanner gained from his father's rather promiscuous activities, well, he never thought of them as family. He discarded his mother-his perfectly good mother-for several whores on the street to get babies instead. If his father was so desperate to get children, then he could simply go to a DNA lab, use his mother's DNA and his own, and get a child. But no, that was too much work. That was too much trouble.

After the two exited the alleys, they were welcomed with the warm sunlight and the warm embrace of the wind. And they loved it. Every moment of it.

"Spanner, can we stop here? Just for a bit?"

"Sure." The two stopped by the water, and as Spanner placed Tsuna on the ground, the man sat on the mildew-like grass. The brunette watched, with wide mahogany eyes, as the tiny rocks drifted across the fast pacing river. It wasn't as good as his Usual Spot, but it was tranquil enough that he could sit back and enjoy the scenery.

"Spanner?" The blue-eyed teenager looked at him from the corner of his eye.

"Hn?"

"Can...can we stall a little bit?"

"What, you don't want to go home?" The boy bit his lip momentarily before sharply shaking his head.

"Yeah. I want to stay here for a bit. You know, dad came back today? And I really don't want to be near him. I don't want to see him. I don't want to even _hear_ him when he does those nasty things with my mom like he has all the time in the world, and invite himself in our house like he was there the whole time. Spanner, I _don't want to be there_. I know this is bad to say that, I know this is wrong, but..."

"No. I understand." He lied down on the grass, breathed in a big sigh, and turned over.

"We can't stay here all night."

"I know," the boy mumbled as he buried his head in his legs. Although Spanner said that, they stayed there for a good hour, doing nothing but staring at the clouds, at the cars passing by, at the grass that wavered from side to side, at the birds that went in flocks of five and ten, at the distance, at the future.

"Hey, Spanner?" The blond man turned his head to the crouching boy.

"What?"

"What...what will you do in the future?"

"Hn, the future, huh? Well, I want to be a mechanic." At this, the boy's eyes sparkled like the stars in the sky. A mechanic sounded so professional, so _amazing_ , something that he could never do. He was average in everything, after all, and something as sophisticated as that, he could never do. Imagine. Tsunayoshi Sawada, average in academics, average in sports, average in inventions. Future goal: Professional Mechanic. He would learn physics and mechanics and everything nice-

No. He didn't think so.

"That's amazing," Tsuna exclaimed, his eyes shining even more. "I could never do that, Spanner!"

"You could."

"Eh?" The boy stared at him hard now. Didn't he know who he was talking to? He wasn't talking to Mukuro Rokudo, one of the most intelligent children in his grade; he was talking to Sawada Tsunayoshi, the child who was average in _everything_. Academics, sports, cooking, cleaning, technology, inventions, and all the other things that he didn't even want to mention.

"Yeah. You could." Spanner sat up as he stared back at the child. "The equations aren't hard when you get used to it, and the inventions are really fun to make. Trust me, Tsuna, you'd like it."

"I..I'm fine," he stuttered out. How could Spanner have such faith in him? He didn't understand. Spanner had such confidence in not only himself, but Tsuna as well. That was strange. No one had faith that he could do anything extraordinary, let alone genius. But Spanner did, and that was strange. Ha. Not even his mother had faith that he could do well. She loved him-to a degree-yes, but she knew better than to expect greatness from him. Why...was he so different?

"Let's go back," Spanner said suddenly as he got up from the grass and reached out a hand to pull Tsuna up from the ground. He did, but with much reluctance. He was still thinking about what Spanner did. Maybe it was on accident? Or maybe he was joking? Yes, that had to be it. No one relied on him, after all.

The child climbed up on the thirteen-year-old's back, watching as the once beautiful scenery began to turn into darkness. It was a lovely sight-to see the once colorful sky being blotted over with black paint like a child who was given a brush to color with. But the beauty only lasted for so long, and a dreadful feeling of nausea erupted in his stomach. The birds were no longer flying anymore, and the colors that stood boldly in the sky were now gone. There was darkness. And only darkness.

But the lights of the street became their path, and with that, it became beautiful. The main streets of Namimori were now empty, and the sound of crickets were Spanner and Tsuna's only company. Most would be nerved by that revelation, but those two-those two loved it. They loved the silence, Spanner more than Tsuna. Tsuna liked noise; he really did. But after seeing his father again, after seeing the way he treated Nana after not seeing her for a whole year, after all that, he needed silence. He needed time to think. Think about how much he hated his daddy. Think about how much he wanted to run away, but couldn't. Think about how life just sucked, and if he had his druthers, he would pack his books and-

"We're here." Tiredly, the five-year-old child lifted his head from Spanner's shoulder to see a small but peaceful house staring at him in the face. The lights were on, god help his soul, but it wasn't loud, and Tsuna couldn't hear the muffled sounds of a bed rocking or something falling to the floor. He couldn't see his drunk father anywhere, and his brother was no where to be seen. The last thought, however, was a pity. He loved seeing his blond, fifteen-year old brother. Giotto was the _total_ opposite of him, yet he treated him with utmost respect. Dignity, even.

"Thank you for getting me home safely, Spanner." The blond boy bent down, and with a gentle smirk on his face, whispered,

"Of course, kid. There's no need to thank me for the obvious. Now get a move on; I don't want Giotto hanging my corpse for keeping you out late." At that, Tsuna laughed slightly loud; his squeaky voice vibrated through and through the fine winds of Namimori, but it wasn't loud enough to get people to exit their houses.

"Giotto wouldn't hurt you. He likes you a lot, you know? He talks about you every day-you, Shoichi, and these two misters named Dino and Reborn, who I have never seen. He says they're amazing, but I don't know. Some of the people who Giotto likes are kind of strange." He let out a childish giggle at the end, using his chubby hands to cover his mouth.

"Dino and Reborn, huh? Haven't seen those two miscreants in quite some time." When Tsuna cocked his head quizzically at the word 'miscreants', Spanner simply laughed and ushered him on inside.

"I'm sure your pops is asleep. And you have school tomorrow, so you need to do the same, Tsuna." He gently nudged him beyond the family gate, and Tsuna, taking the hint, ran to the entrance of his house. A big grin was splattered all along his jaws and ended at his eyes. He was happy, indeed.

"Good-bye, Spanner!" Tsuna opened the door to his tiny house, and seeing that it was quieter than a church mouse, eagerly took off his outdoor shoes and slid his way to the stairs. He didn't hear snoring, but he didn't hear talking either. Good. He could live with that.

He explored all of upstairs, searching for his room when he found it. It was a plain door, with Tsuna's name on a piece of decorated paper. it wasn't much, but then, his family wasn't the richest, either.

With a small sigh of fatigue, Tsuna opened up his door and slumped on the bed. Right next to him, he could hear the murmurs of voices that belonged to his parents. Hah. so he _was_ home. Great.

* * *

Fortunately, the next day wasn't so bad. The sun shone on his face proudly, energized from the little rest she got during the night. Tsuna was tired; he listened to his parents' conversation all throughout the night, fully ready to protect his mother to the fullest. But to his surprise-and possibly his chagrin-his father conversed with his mother normally, asking questions that one of his status should. "How are you?" "How's Tsuna?" "Are you in need of assistance?" He didn't ask questions like, "Are you still working?" and "You're not doing things behind my back, are you?" Pfh. Like Nana would do things like that. She was one of the most loyal mothers Tsuna has seen. He was sure that Nana would jump off a cliff or kill herself for his sake, if given the chance.

It felt like the thermostat in his room was turned up a few degrees, as the child felt rather hot and uncomfortable. With a small grunt, the brunette made his way off the bed, and to the window, where, with all his might, he pushed open. When he successfully did so, it was like the gates of heaven opened. A blast of cold air scampered about the room, and Tsuna was grateful for the decrease in temperature. It had felt like Summer's home before. And god, he couldn't deal with the heat.

He was about to crawl back into his bed when he heard the distinct call of his mother.

"Tsu-kun! You're going to be late if you don't get up!"

Quickly, Tsuna scrambled out of bed and started to wash up before running downstairs. To be honest, he actually forgot that he had school today. Every time he went to school, he felt like something was sitting on his back the night before. But now...it wasn't like that. He wasn't tired, his back didn't ache like an old person's, and his throat wasn't sore like it usually was. He felt refreshed. He felt happy. And most of all, he felt _new_.

"I wonder why," he mumbled as he neared the breakfast table, where his mother and father sat.

"Hey, Tsuna! How've you been?" The boy glanced over to his father, where his father greeted him with a pacifying grin. And to the boy's horror, he felt his cheeks pulling upward, and his eyes becoming friendly. He didn't want to smile at this man; he tried to frown, but for some reason, he couldn't help but act friendly to him. Maybe it was because he didn't treat his mother like crap on his first day back? Yes, that must be it. There was, after all, no other explanation for his kindness to this man.

"I'm fine, dad."

"Oh, Tsuna, I told you to call me Daddy!~ You call Nana 'mommy', give me a little nostalgia by doing the same!" As fast as that forced kindness came, it left, and Tsuna was left with an empty and bitter feeling in his stomach. Call Ieyasu 'Daddy'? Is he joking? He expects him to fully welcome him back home after he abandoned Nana and himself, and came back only once in a blue moon, when he was drunk? No, he must be _friggin'_ kidding.

"Haha." The child sat in his seat, fully expecting food to appear before him. But when he saw none, he looked up at his mother, who was staring at him with a strange expression on her lovely face. Why was she staring at him like that? He didn't understand very well.

That is, until she explained herself.

"Tsu-kun, what are you waiting for? Daddy wants you to call him!" Oh, so that's what it was...she wanted him to call him by his nickname. 'Daddy', huh? Like Tsuna would ever call that man by that title. That title was reserved for those who deserved it. Spanner, although young, deserved it. Giotto, although he was already his brother, deserved it. Even Shoichi, who came over five times a month, deserved the title more than this pathetic man of a father, who only came over when he felt like it. To put it in perspective, the last time Ieyasu visited was when Tsuna was two. Two. He is five now. IN other words, the last time he came over was three years ago. How sad is that? The man should be counting his blessings that Tsuna remembers him at all.

"Hn...I..." What should he say? He can't even open his mouth to speak the words. But if he didn't, he would most likely starve. It didn't look like Nana would give him the food anytime soon unless he did. He looked hesitantly at his mother, hoping she would catch his dilemma. But she only smiled, waiting for him to say something.

"I...I gotta go to school." His squeaky voice cracked a bit, making it sound like he was going to cry. But he didn't, and left the table with a sour look on his face as he began to put on his shoes.

"You aren't going to eat?"

"No dad; I am not hungry anymore," he announced as he opened the door, closed it, and started to walk down the street. He didn't want to eat, if it meant he had to call his father that. Originally, he didn't know why his father never came home and why Nana always cried in a corner on cold nights, when either rain or snow pelted down on their glass. But then Spanner explained it to him, explained that some fathers are just like that. They come and go as they please, not caring about their family at all.

And then Tsuna, at that time, asked the most logical question.

_"Why? Why doesn't Daddy care about us?"_

_"In this world, people have priorities, or things they hold dear to them. Your father simply doesn't think of you guys high enough to take care of you. I know; my father was the same way, and it drove my mother to her grave."_ He had bent down and patted Tsuna's chubby head and ruffled his soft hair.

 _"But I'll take care of you, Sawada. You're Giotto's kid, after all. And quite frankly, you've become something like a brother to me."_ Since then, Spanner has become something of a mentor to him, and treated him better than anyone he knew has. Spanner was...Spanner was...he was a true family member.

Already, the five-year-old child could feel the nausea and aches of hunger coming to attack him at full force. He stopped on the side of the street, rubbed his stomach, and continued on. He would contact Spanner after school on their phone and ask him to pick him up and get him food. It was a bit selfish to do this, but Giotto would be in high school, and Spanner would be the only one available, seeing as he was in college, and had some free time because this was his vacation time.

He wondered into the school yard, listening to the wind, as if he were in his Usual Spot, and started inside. His classmates ignored him, as usual, but there were a few people who didn't.

Rokudo Mukuro was one of them.

And it was fun to talk with him, too. He would never fail to amuse Tsuna, and he loved to talk about himself, as Mukuro would simply listen with an uncharacteristic smirk on his five-year-old face. He will be, after this year, going to another school, a school for gifted children. And Tsuna wanted to cherish every moment of it.

* * *

School finally ended for good, and Tsuna was relieved that it was. Since that day that his father came over, things were pretty quiet on his side, and he managed to meet new people. Giotto finally came back from high school, and he had vacation, like Spanner did. Spanner, well, his college was very lenient. His college gave him five months of break in exchange for seven years of solid working for six days a week, and for ten out of twenty-four hours a day. Right now, he was two months into his vacation, and three more month to go.

His mom gave him "the Look" for a few weeks after that day with his father, but due to Spanner's support, he was able to brush it off like water on a duck's back. Speaking of which, Spanner's birthday was just around the corner...a week, he supposed?

"What should I get him?"

"Get what for whom?" Immediately, Tsuna jumped like a cat, his hair perking up like a porcupine. He darted his bronze-tinted eyes to the voice, who, surprisingly enough, was his elder brother.

"I wanted to get a present for Spanner, Giotto. What do you think I should get for him?"

"Hm..." He sat down on the bench next to his younger brother, who looked up at him earnestly. Giotto took his hand and ruffled Tsuna's hair, who, to his slight embarrassment, started to laugh. He loved being with his brother, and if this is what he had to take to be with him, he wouldn't mind.

"How about a new mechanical set?" The six-year old boy cocked his head curiously.

"A 'mecnia' set?"

"No, Tsuna. A mechanical set. A mech-an-i-cal set. Say it. And make sure to sound it out." The boy nodded and started to sound out the word.

"A mech-an-i-cal set. A mechan-i-cal set. A mechanical set. Giotto, I said it!" The blond man smiled warmly at his younger brother, patted his head, and held him close. This boy was one of the most important people to him, besides Reborn, Dino and G. Nana...she...has...problems. He knew what she was like before Tsuna came into being. He saw the things she did with Ieyasu before Tsuna softened her heart. And he knew what kind of person she was before even she knew herself. It was the same with Ieyasu. The only one who wasn't like that...was Tsuna.

"Mmhm. So what do you think? You pick out a set for him, and I'll pay for it."

"Really?! When can we go, Giotto?"

"Mn, how about this afternoon, after Spanner goes back home?"

"Okay!"

The two waited on the bench for Spanner, who was driving to the airport to collect Dino, whom Giotto said he wanted Tsuna to meet. For what reason, he didn't know. But he did know that Spanner was going to be back soon, and the sooner he came back, the better. As much as he adored and loved his older brother, he was with Spanner a longer period of time, and thus, felt more comfortable with him. He could speak his mind with Spanner. And although Tsuna could be himself in front of Giotto, he couldn't speak his mind in front of him.

"Look, Tsuna; Spanner is over there." As the traffic of people and cars started to come and go, Tsuna and Giotto spotted a black, slightly beat-up car driving smoothly towards them. And for the first time in a while, Tsuna felt a little exited at meeting new people. He always liked seeing the different personalities and styles people had; it made him much more eager to live in this world, and a little less in the other. Especially after he was four-god, that was a traumatic experience. But enough about that, now was the time to put on a bright smile and make Giotto and Spanner look good.

The door opened, and Tsuna was overjoyed to see a nice man like Spanner. He wasn't freaky-looking like G-thank the heavens-but he wasn't all cold like Hibari, a man who Tsuna met once, and only once, and was glad to never meet again. He was cold like a fish, and held a certain murderous aura to him.

This man, on the other hand, was as normal, calm and collected as Giotto himself, but for some reason...this man felt...cold. Not as cold as Hibari, but still, he had a cold edge to him. Like he would sweet-talk you, and then back-stab you later. Dino's hair was touching his shoulders, to where the very start of his red shirt was, and his jean pants were slightly worn. His shoes were black and worn out as well, but his shoes shone brighter than his crimson mahogany eyes.

"Hey, I'm Dino." He offered his hand to Tsuna, which he gladly took with a smile, and Tsuna, in like kind, gave the man an encouraging smile and replied with:

"I'm Tsunayoshi, but you could call me 'Tsuna'." The two didn't become close, not really, although they did respect each other. That is, until something happened. Something happened to someone really close to Tsuna, and Giotto wasn't able to help him and come to his aid on time. Yes, during that time, Tsuna was alone.

* * *

"Do you know where Spanner is, Dino-san?" The blond teenager glanced over at Tsuna, but otherwise, said nothing.

"Hey, Dino-san?"

"No, Tsunayoshi; I don't know where Spanner is. If you are so worried about him, call Giotto." He hated to babysit children, but seeing that Giotto gave him no choice but to do so, he would do it. Begrudgingly. He did owe that man a few favors, after all. But babysitting? Really, Giotto? He knew that the absolute last thing the man wanted to do was to deal with children.

After he met Tsunayoshi for the first time last month, he didn't want anything to do with him. Well, he was generally cordial and polite, but that didn't mean he liked the boy. He wasn't like Basil, who was quiet and only spoke when spoken to. Neither was he like Zakuro, who was witty and smart for his age. Tsunayoshi Sawada was generally a normal child in all aspects, attitude included. He liked everything a child his age would like: video games, toy guns, action figures, those kind of things. He didn't read books all day long like Basil, and he didn't take apart and put back together animal parts like Verde once did. He was normal in all aspects, and Dino found that he hated that about the boy. If Giotto heard or detected that from him, though, he might want to hang the man.

Giotto had this respect for his brother-this-unnatural respect. He would always speak highly of the boy, even if he himself was in a bad mood. He could still remember the time what, after Giotto's friend Lampo died, he said to him.

 _"You know, if this was Tsuna,"_ he had said, tears falling down his face as he looked towards the empty and clear sky, _"he wouldn't cry. At all. He would take it, bare it in at face value, and move on. Hey Dino, why can't I be like that?"_

 _"No one doesn't cry when someone important to them dies,"_ Dino had replied, putting an affectionate and on Giotto's trembling shoulder. _"Unless they're cold-blooded and heartless. I'm sure Tsuna would cry if he lost something as well."_

 _"No, that kid only cries if something scares him,"_ Giotto muttered, chuckling lowly in his stomach. _"He is quite the mature one, I tell you. If you meet him one day, I'm sure you'll understand."_

The two had sat in silence that day, watching as some strangers took away the body of their friend. Surprisingly enough, Lampo looked happy in his death, like something good had happened to him right before he died. Dino had oddly wondered what it was he was so happy about, and why couldn't he have avoided it. Why couldn't things have turned differently? Why couldn't Lampo had avoided death? It pained him. It grieved him.

 _"I wish it weren't such a clear day,"_ Dino hissed angrily, glaring at the sky. _"I wish it were raining; I wish Mother Nature had the same feelings we did, and shed her tears on this earth. I wish the whole world knew that our friend just died, and could mourn with us."_

 _"But life isn't like that,"_ Giotto had whispered gently. "Unlike fairy tales, life doesn't have a happy ending. When someone dies, the world won't mourn with us, because death is everywhere. It's so common that someone dies now that some don't even take notice. We're alone in this world, Dino; we're all alone."

Ah, the bitter memories of life. Dino could honestly say that through his life-span, there wasn't a single thing that made him happy. His mother died at a young age, and his father had to take care of him. Alone. And he could remember those times that his father brought strange women into the house, and how he would have to abandon his room momentarily to give them privacy. What his father did with those women, he learned, was to be done behind closed doors instead of on the stove, the door, the wall, in his fucking _dressing room_ , even outside in the yard. But as soon as he met Giotto and Lal Mirch, his life became more bearable. His pain was alleviated a bit. He could smile once in a while.

That's why he didn't mind taking care of this brat. For all of the happiness brought-if he could take care of his younger sibling for a few hours in compensation, he'd gladly do it.

"I think I see him! Thank you, Dino-san!" Tsuna got up excitedly and dashed out of the house, outdoor shoes in hand. And Dino had to breath a sigh of relief when he saw Spanner there, holding him close and giving him affection. But with that sigh of relief came a pang of jealousy. Why hadn't he received that love when he was a child? Why didn't he get showered in hugs, kisses, sweets and spice and everything nice? Why, when he was younger, didn't he get an older brother who adored and cared for him?

He was irritated. Very irritated. Ironically enough, his face kept at the same pleasant, kind face when Spanner locked eyes with him and bowed a short nod of thanks. He couldn't show Spanner that. Spanner knew him for a while now-not as long as Giotto, but a while-and he couldn't afford to screw things up.

After seeing the two walk together, side by side, holding hands as if they were a happy-fucking-family, Dino became angry. And with anger came realization. He finally remembered why he hated normal children. Normal children received love. Normal children received care. Normal children received what they wanted, and normal children had normal parents. Not parents that would throw their kid out on the street to shack up with some bitch or bastard that happened to catch their fancy.

When the two left, Dino firmly decided. It wasn't fair that Tsuna got everything he wanted. It wasn't fair at all. So how about he destroy him?

* * *

"How was Dino?" Tsuna held Spanner's hand firmly in his tiny little grip. Although the boy was only six years old, his grip was great, as he held Spanner's hand hard enough to leave a mark. The two of them were walking down their favorite path: the center road of Namimori, and Tsuna closed his eyes as he listened to the soft hum of the electric wires that ran above him.

"He was okay. I don't think he likes me, though. Spanner, did I do something wrong?" The blond man thought for a bit, and then shook his head.

"He normally doesn't like kids. There are a few that he does have a tacit interest in, but they aren't what you call...normal...well, except for Basil, who is quiet and likes to read a lot. But that kid's likable. I don't think there is anyone who knows him that doesn't like him."

"Oh..." Spanner glanced down at Tsuna's pouted face, and chuckled.

"What, you want Dino to like you?"

He nodded viciously.

"Well...I don't see why not, but it's kind of hard for Dino to like a kid just like that. For Basil, it took a while. Maybe a month, I suppose?"

"So it'll be a month before he likes me?" The older man stopped, cocked his head, and then chuckled.

"It probably will be a bit more than that. But don't worry. When he likes you, he'll stick to you like glue." At that, Tsuna's eyes sparkled like glitter, and he began to jump up and down like a kid that is about to get ice cream.

"So I just need to be good?"

"Yep. You just act like yourself, and he will warm up to you eventually."

"Eh..." The rest of the conversation died, but Tsuna was left with a pleasant feeling in his gut. If worked at it hard enough, he could get Dino to like him. That would be one more friend for him to stay with when he was lonely. That was one more person he could give a birthday present to. Speaking of which...

"Hey Spanner, how is the mechanical set Giotto and I got you?"

"It's great, Tsuna. It hasn't rusted yet. I like it a lot, especially the screwdrivers. The handle has such a nice feeling to it. Where'd you get it from?" The brunette giggled happily, releasing his friend's hand and running gleefully ahead of him.

"That's a secret!"

And as soon as he said that, a person came from the alley right next to the child and charged towards him with a machete in hand. He was silent, almost like a thief in the night, but the one thing that gave him away was the dark clothes he wore. He wore a black sweater that came up all the way to his mouth, and folded over his head. His pants were black and had no specific pattern on it. And the man's eyes were whiter than a sheet. He was a scary man, indeed.

Tsuna gave him no heed, but Spanner did.

"Watch it, Tsuna!" The boy snapped his head to the left, where he saw the man, and immediately dived forward as the man swung his hand down to cut the boy in half. Luckily, he only got the tip of his clothing. Looking from one person to the other, Spanner got up, grabbed Tsuna's hand, and started to run.

"S-Spanner, what's wrong?!"

"That man is dangerous. Can't you see that, Tsuna?"

"N-no."

"The most important thing to do right now," Spanner huffed, " is to get to someplace safe. Then we can figure out what to do then."

"O-okay!" The two continued running; their pattering feet sounded like a rhythm in a song. It would have been soothing had they not had a killer on their tail. To which, why was he on their tail anyhow? It didn't make sense.

But they weren't able to get far. Right when they were about to reach a nearby police station, the killer sped up and slashed at Spanner's back. The distinct sound of fabric ripping and skin being pierced reached Tsuna's ears, and he stopped cold. The blond, with a pained expression, fell to the ground, and with him came a trail of blood. Tsuna knelt in the ground at which he lied, still shocked about the blood that was in his hand. Unfortunately, by this point, the killer had already seen the damage done, and turned around to retreat where he came from. But Tsuna wasn't worried about the killer. He was worried about Spanner.

"Spanner? Spanner, are you okay?" When the man didn't say anything, Tsuna started to raise his voice, his squeaky voice starting to crack and crumble.

"Spanner? Hey, Spanner?!" But still, Spanner didn't say anything. He remained silent as he clenched his chest from where the blood was pooling from.

"Spanner?! Spanner?! What do I do? What do I do?" The boy thought frantically, looking around to see if there was anything or one that could help. In seconds, his eyes rested on a police station that was a few feet ahead. If he could just make it there...if he could just make it there, Spanner wouldn't die. He could live! They could look at machine and watch shows on television and wonder around Namimori like they always have been.

With a renewed passion, Tsuna struggled to get the prodigy on his feet. When he found out he couldn't do so, the boy took one long arm, strung it across his back, and began to walkslowly to the police station. It took him ten minutes to walk over there, but he was successfully able to, in which he banged on the door very hard for someone to open.

And someone did.

"Namimori Police Station, how may I-oh my goodness! What happened?!"

"Please help us! Spanner is going to die unless I do something and I don't know what to do and if something happens to Spanner I will be sad and he lost a lot of blood and I heard that losing a lot of blood means you'll die and I don't want Spanner to die and-"

"Calm down, child," she finally said. Quickly, she moved to the walkie-talkie that was on her pocket and yelled:

"Emergency case at headquarters! Please bring the medical team here immediately!"

As soon as they came, Tsuna started to lose conscious, and fell with a thud to the ground.

* * *

"Sawada-san and Cavallone-san, I am afraid to say this, but Spanner has unfortunately passed away. We have don all that we could do for him, but I'm afraid it's too late."

These were the words Tsuna heard as he woke up from the patients' bed.

"What?!" He flung himself up in the air as Dino and Giotto glanced at him. "That's not true...is it? Giotto?! I took him to the police! Did I do something wrong?! Wasn't I supposed to send someone there if they needed help? Giotto?!"

"You did the right thing, Tsuna," Giotto mumbled sadly, looking at his hands. "But you know, unlike fairy tales, life doesn't have a happy ending. Did you know that, Tsuna?" The boy blinked quizzically as he shook his head. Why was Giotto talking about this? Was he saying that this is life, that people just...die and not have a happy ending? Then why do people create illusions to make people think that? Why, if people important to you die, don't they say that? Why?

He watched in wonder as his only brother began to talk vividly about the things he experienced. About death, about life, about how, in many occasions, people have died who were close to him. Some were before his eyes, and others were not. But all in all, the deaths were painful. But because this is life, because this isn't some sort of fairy tale, he had to live through it. Dino had to live through it. _Spanner_ had to live through it. Spanner. Oh, how he missed his best friend already.

"Yes." He clenched his fist and pumped it at his younger brother, who, at the sharp display of emotion, flinched back from him. How could Giotto still stay so strong through this? Tsuna took it in, but he felt weak. Weak to the eyes, legs, ears, and heart. Oh yes, especially his heart.

"We are all but alone in ruin."

The child cocked his head in question. "What do you mean, alone in ruin?"

He glanced at Dino, who cowered back slightly, and came closer to Tsuna, putting a hand on the boy's chest.

"Some day in the future, you will understand, Tsuna. Some day..."

* * *

_"I did it...I DID IT!" Dino flung his skinny body onto his bed as he threw his phone on his couch. He managed to get an assassin to take down Tsunayoshi. Now, Tsuna will die. Now, Tsuna will be no more. He probably had nothing to live for in the first place._

_Breathing in the fresh air, Dino relaxed on the bed. Giotto would be sad his brother is gone, but hey, he could use that chance to get closer to him. He did always have a thing for blonds. This was the perfect chance to get him! When Giotto was in distress, crying his eyes out at Tsuna's funeral, Dino could come to him and wrap his arms around the boy's torso. Oh god, he could imagine the sweet words exchanged between the two._

_And then, after all is said and done, he could welcome him into his home, and they could talk, and then you know, things might happen...  
_

_"I think I'll call Giotto right now."_

_But before he could even give the man a call, he called Dino on his cell phone. Dino reached across the table to get his cellphone, which he flipped up and spoke into.  
_

_"Hey, what's wrong?"_

_"Get your ass down here," Giotto all but growled. "And if you don't, I'll hunt you down myself." Okay, there was something wrong here. His Giotto wasn't supposed to say things like that. His Giotto was supposed to smile at him, give him accusing looks, and pout at him when he was really fustraited. His Giotto was supposed to teach him all different things like Business and Finance, and Calculus and Physics. He wasn't supposed to growl at him like some...well...animal. Something wrong was here. That was certain._

_"Wh-what's wrong, Giotto?"_

_"You know what's wrong. Spanner's in the hospital and-"_

_"Wait, what?!" At this point, Dino stood up. Spanner was in the hospital? Spanner?! That was supposed to be Tsuna's place! Why the hell is_ Spanner _in the hospital?! That was his friend! He wasn't some acquaintance he met yesterday, or some child who grated his nerves! HE was Spanner, the friggin genius in technology, only second to Shoichi! Why was he hurt?_

_Unless..._

_"Damn it, that guy screwed up," he hissed lowly._

_"What did you say?" At this point, Dino froze. He wasn't supposed to say that. Or rather, Giotto wasn't supposed to hear that._

_"I...uh.." And now that he did mess up, he had no excuse to give._

_And he could tell as much, because Giotto's voice became very quiet on the line. And when that happened, that means he was ready to blow...any minute._

_"You better come to the hospital right now, Dino, or I cut your fucking bulls off before I ever suck them."_

_Oh great. He was in shit's trouble._

* * *

_Tsuna hadn't acted at all like he thought him to. He didn't shed a single tear, although his face did crumple. He was the epitime of composure, disregarding his facial features. He listened to what Giotto had to say earnestly, and when Giotto finally stopped talking and just held him, Tsuna smiled and hugged him back. Maybe it was that it hadn't clicked in Tsuna's head yet. That could be the reason...but that didn't seem to be the positive as Tsuna's face turned into a withered pumpkin, and he started to whine lowly. He was sad, no doubt about it, but not as sad as Dino was that he wasn't dead, and that Spanner was._

_But things weren't done yet. After Giotto tried to comfort Tsuna as best as he could, he beckoned Dino to the hallway, no doubt to rip his balls off and feed it to him.  
_

_"Why did you do that?" A single question. But depending on that question is whether he feels pain or not._

_"I'm sorry that Spanner died. He was my friend too and-"_

_"_ Why _did you do that?" It was no longer a question of "Did you do it?" or "What were you thinking?" Giotto wanted to know the motives of his actions. And unless he wanted to feel pain right then and there, he had best give him an answer._

_"I..." He swallowed, trying to slow his beating heart. "I was aiming for Tsuna."_

_And just like that, the cobra struck._

_Giotto slammed a hand against Dino's ribs, feeling them crack under his pressure. Falling back, Dino coughed hard onto the floor, feeling the air escape from him and not return back.  
_

_"That's for aiming for Tsuna. And this-" He walked up to him and snapped his arm back, hearing the delicious sound of bone breaking, "-is for killing my friend. How_ dare _you, Dino, just because you don't like my brother."_

_Through coughs, Dino tried to explain._

_"Giotto-"_

_"No, I know you by now. You're jealous because you don't have a perfect family. Your father was, excuse me, a piece of shit, and your mother died, leaving you with many whores to deal with. I understand that. But at the same time, we didn't have a perfect household either. Did you know that for the most part, Tsuna never had a father?"_

_Dino looked up into Giotto's steady gaze and shook his head. No. He never knew that. He never bothered to know._

_"When he did come home, all Tsuna heard was the sound of their 'lovemaking', or things falling to the floor as he cursed out Nana. He isn't blessed to any stretch of the imagination, Dino, and you killing his only image of what a father should be like isn't helping any." He knelt down before Dino, and with the most coldest of looks, demanded a task to him._

_"You will replace Spanner. You will do it to compensate for Spanner's unnecessary death." Breathing hard, Dino lied his head on Giotto's chest, listening to the slow rhythm his heart made._

_"Why don't you just kill me?"_

_"Your life is no where near the amount that Spanner's was." At that, the blond man flinched. "So it would make no sense in killing you. There will not be another Spanner in this world, I hope you realize that. In order to compensate, you will take his place. No questions asked."_

_With that, the blond man stood up and turned away. While he was doing so, he was sure that a tear fell from the boy's face._

_"I will convince Reborn to pay for the funeral cost of Spanner. He really liked Spanner, so I'm sure he'll understand." With that, he started to run, run as fast as his legs could carry him, and all Dino could do was watch. Watch as his love ran away from him. Watch as his joy moved away.  
_

_Turning back to Tsuna's door, he opened up the door and looked at Tsuna, whose head was bowed._

_"Tsuna." Almost like a gut reaction, the boy's head snapped up._

_"I know I can't replace Spanner, I know that. But..." He had to try. He had to make an effort, and who knows? Maybe he would genuinely like the kid someday._

_"I want to try, Tsuna. From now on, if anything happens, I'll be by your side."_

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Again, sorry for the delay. Hope you liked it, although...god, I wrote soo much! And it wasn't like how I intended it, either! *Huff* This took me two days, you know! (With breaks...)
> 
> Originally, this was supposed to be K+ but because of the content, I had to end up bumping it to T anyhow...*sigh* What a shame...
> 
> Hope this answers some of everyone's questions, and remember to give some feedback!
> 
> Edit: I am surprised no one caught the error I made...should I cry or should I get angry? *tear tear* Oh, and got any question, be sure to PM me.
> 
> About the title: Solus Dissipant...I changed it from that to the English title, Alone to Ruin. Apparently, someone tried to look it up, and they came up with some shitty title...so I changed it to what it is SUPPOSED to be...
> 
> Oh! And this is important. IMPORTANT I SAY! LOOK HERE! *cough* Anyways, so someone PMed me concerning Giotto's anger. I didn't make it obvious in the story, but I will say it plainly here: Dino never liked Spanner. Period. Things happened...and that's why Giotto accused Dino of bringing harm to Spanner. (This will be in a different one-shot: Russian Roulette. If their 'peachy' relationship wasn't obvious, read back to where Tsuna went with Spanner after being in the hands of Dino. You might see something there...


End file.
